“Marriage MUST be 50/50”
Do you think your relationship should be, or already is, split right down the middle? Would you say you accomplish ½ of the tasks, give ½ emotionally, mentally, and physically? And your partner does the same?
If I am answering those questions, I would say no, no, no, and no. My marriage is not a 50/50 relationship. I am not about keeping score in my marriage or any relationship. Mentally noting who did this, who did that, or who didn’t do enough of this or enough of that; I don’t have time for that. It would also mean my life was idyllic, with little to no variations. I do not have an idyllic life. If I did, maybe I could split everything down the middle. Yet, I live in a world that is forever changing, and one of those forever changes is my marriage.
I am not putting a downer on marriage when I state it is NOT 50/50. My husband and I are two independent individuals who do our best for one another daily. Our marriage is work, it is compromising, and it is the shared desire that we strive to present the best version of ourselves in this world together.
There are days, weeks, and months where one of us brings more to the relationship than the other. At times one of us is the anchor, combatting life’s challenges and keeping the union firmly in place, while the other is simply trying to show up for the day. Then there are days, weeks, months, and years where we struggle to bring all we have. We live as a wobbly table, continually adjusting a leg to prevent the table from toppling over. And then there are days, weeks, and months that we sail among the calmest waters, and the days feel light, almost effortless. Neither my husband nor I can guarantee that we will deliver 50% emotionally, physically, and mentally to our marriage daily. It isn’t possible, nor have I expected it to be.
All that being said, marriage is 80/20, 60/40, and 90/10. I’ve been on the higher end and the lower lot of those percentages. I am grateful to have a partner who accepts my flaws and is willing to take the lead when all of me cannot show up and vice versa. Our union is continually changing and evolving as we encounter the trials, tribulations, and celebrations life places before us. Our domestic relationship needs to concentrate on something other than ensuring things are done on a 50/50 % basis. We tackle our days together and feel confident that whatever it takes, we will remain true to ourselves and our relationship. Nah, I’m not about 50/50; I AM about a loving, supportive marriage committed to walking through our tomorrows, being the best we can be, in whatever way possible, and in whatever way we show up.