We MUST incorporate boundaries to walk an authentic life. Yes, sweat may start appearing on the forehead, and palms may become clammy thinking about the relationship that lacks boundaries. There’s a lot to this concept; initially, it is challenging and uncomfortable to implement.
Boundaries in a relationship are like this; they help each person figure out where one person ends, and the other begins. In short, boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others.
Per https://roadtogrowthcounseling.com/importance-boundaries-relationships Setting good personal boundaries is critical to creating healthy relationships, increasing self-esteem, and reducing stress, anxiety, and depression. Boundaries protect your emotional self by setting a clear line between what is me and what is not. A lack of limits allows others to determine your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Defining boundaries is deciding what behavior you will accept from others and what you will not.
Without Boundaries
Life is hell! I cannot stress the importance of implementing and maintaining boundaries in your relationships. Speaking from someone who, at one time, never possessed limitations, I was a welcome mat that was covered in several feet of heavy dirt. This personal welcome mat was extremely heavy; the ability to move in any direction toward personal truth was impossible. I had allowed people to take advantage of my kindness, time, and gifts. I was exhausted; I had spread myself too thin and felt I was the only one giving.
Why Couldn’t I Set Boundaries?
-I possessed a tremendous amount of fear of rejection and lacked self-appreciation/worth
-I ignored the inner voice that attempted to advise me that I was doing things out of guilt, fear, stress, anxiety
-I was terrified of the consequences that might transpire should I implement a boundary
-The “Recovering People Pleaser” in me wanted everyone to be happy, even if it meant I wasn’t.
Boundary Survival List
To set boundaries, I needed a strategy, a.k.a. HELP! Here is my “Boundary Survival List”:
- Just say NO! – Events, tasks, etc. If you don’t want to do it or don’t have time, just say NO.
- Say yes if you genuinely want to help, but say yes without expecting anything in return!
- Don’t over-commit! My biggest downfall! Come to terms with what you can handle; without feeling regret or shame. Your time is precious!
- Reach out for help; ask someone you trust for guidance if you need support implementing a boundary.
- Only do some things! Delegate tasks! Let a little bit go!
- Request space; we all need personal time.
- If you feel uncomfortable with how others treat you, open your mouth! Speak up!
- Put YOU first! If that doesn’t go over well, then OH WELL!
- Stop adopting the guilt and responsibility others attempt to place on you
- Personal information needn’t be shared with everyone.f All you meet do not deserve your hear your stories.
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day
Resistance from others is unavoidable. I received a lot of pushback; let’s face it, people were perplexed that the welcome mat was MIA. My voice expressed what I wanted, didn’t want, would, and wouldn’t tolerate or accept. Boundaries are a give-and-take process. Remain faithful to your personal truths; gradually, you will be surrounded by those who understand and respect your boundaries.
We are ALL human, and those trying to embrace your boundaries might stray occasionally. Remember, if others are willing to understand and accept your boundaries, that speak volumes! And no one will meet your boundaries 100% of the time. The consequences when witnessing limits being ignored should be taken on a case by case circumstances. Before reacting, think about: How important is the person in your life? How often have they disrespected your boundaries? And what boundary is being neglected? Just so you know, only you can answer those questions.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. ~Brene Brown
