Do you yearn to alter a particular aspect or aspects of someone’s behaviors, or characteristics in your life? Maybe it’s the desire to change their eating habits, organizational skills, their taste in fashion, or the friends they bring into your world. Whatever the reason, taking on the challenge to change an individual is all consuming. My question is why are you committing to such a task?
I believe the major reason people dive into this project is because 99.99999% of the time a feeling of “our way” is better than how those we are striving to change behave, or think. Note the “our” way. We “perceive” our actions and/or thoughts, as smarter, easier, popular, important, beneficial; the list is endless.
We aren’t put on this earth to judge and fix people. Frankly no one needs to be “fixed” and it isn’t our job to change people. As I foster personal growth it has become apparent that when I feel my husband, friend, or family member needs to change, the reality is that “I” am the one that requires the work! I need to self-reflect and take steps towards altering a certain behavior, or idea that I have projected onto them.
The Art of Living Consciously website published an article that stated this: When we’re trying to change other people, it’s often because we have our own healing to do. We might think it’s easier to change another person than to change ourselves. Trying to help another person is not a substitute for doing our own work. Our reactivity to that person’s behavior is likely our own unconscious issues coming up. It may feel easier to project onto another person and distract ourselves than face our own problems.
Instead of spending time tackling the imperfections of others, those we are “certain” could use improvement, how about focusing on ourselves? We are the one and only person that should be receiving our full attention! Let’s strive to create the best rendition of ourselves, the version we want others to encounter. There is a chance that when they witness our transformation we might spark a change in them.