I may have three grown boys, and I have realized many things during this motherhood journey. The one awakening, in particular, I’d like to share is unknowingly owning the “Cloak of Invisibility.” It is worn way too much, if not entirely, while mothering our young children. I am sure this holds true for those fathering children as well.                                                                            Before that newborn comes home with us, we vow that motherhood will NOT change the following: our sex lives, careers, identity, friendships, hobbies, or whatever else comes to mind. The pledge may also promise that we will not raise our children as our parent(s) did.

Then as time go by, we begin to ask ourselves, “Where is the old me?” The “me” before raising this little human being?” We reminisce about pre-children date nights, events with friends, kidless vacations, hobbies, and days in the office. Our reality is filled with fatigue; wearing clothing other than pjs (or sweatpants) seems pointless, as does keeping the house tidy. A personal hobby is an unrealistic notion. We are utterly clueless about acquiring “The Cloak of Invisibility.” Our authentic self outside of mothering has gone MIA. 

According to data, moms of preschoolers have to stop and take care of their child’s needs at least 210 times per day. And when it comes to household chores, laundry alone can eat up a mom’s time. Eighty-eight percent of a family’s laundry is handled by her, totaling more than 330 loads of laundry and 5,300 articles of clothing per year.

It’s important to understand that we ARE changing and emerging into a new self during motherhood. That doesn’t mean parts of our “pre-mom” attributes completely vanish. However, opinions, likes, dislikes, and goals may be altered. Through experiences and observations during child rearing, we gain new and different insights that allow us to evolve into a more robust, wiser version of ourselves.

Hanging Up The Cloak of Invisibility

The cloak of invisibility doesn’t have to exist, but it requires a commitment to remain true to ourselves. If you’re looking to shed that cloak or prevent yourself from possessing one, then step into the light of Visibility by help is on the way!

Goodbye Invisibility

How to unfasten the cloak:

~Nix the perfectionism, and STOP comparing yourself to others.

~Embrace that you ARE A MOM; and will be for the rest of your life! Moments surrounded by small children go by in a blink of an eye, don’t wish them away.

~Make guilt-free me time for YOU! Even if it’s only thirty minutes a day, do something you enjoy (journaling, meditating, reading…whatever you love to do)!

~Learn to say NO (no one can be everywhere or do everything). Nothing should be done out of obligation; those yes’ manifests resentment and frustration within ourselves.

~ Support and incorporate CORE friends/family to help. ASK for help when needed! Those who are brave ask for help; no one is a superhero!

~Understand that new friendships will be created and others will fade. Not everyone walks with us forever; some for a reason, a season, and a few for a lifetime.

~ Don’t join groups or clubs that only add to your stress level and “things to do” list. Keeping up with the Joneses is overrated, and many are not liked. Be selective in what and where you want to spend your waking hours; your time is precious.

~Make goals for yourself. What would you like to achieve in the next four weeks? Create small aspirations that are meant for personal growth! 

~Make time for your partner. Connecting with your significant other helps maintain and encourages unity, Support, and a feeling of “visibility.” Time together prevents loneliness and negativity from creeping into your world.

Most of All

******Be kind to YOU! Respect yourself, like yourself, and note whether the Cloak of Invisibility is being worn, hung up, or thrown out. Kudos to anyone who has never worn one!